I am a benzo warrior just like all of you.
I was put on prozac for OCD at the age of 14 and at around the age of 20 decided I didn’t want to be medicated anymore. My psychiatrist whom I trusted told me I could just stop taking it and I would be fine and we’ll see how I do, it was the biggest mistake of my life.
Going cold turkey off of a high dose of prozac led to what I now can see was horrific psychiatric drug withdrawal, akathisia, heart racing, sensitivity to loud noises, it was HELL ON EARTH. She told me it was my original anxiety coming back (even though I had never had anxiety before) and gave me 3 mg of Klonopin to take a day, saying my body needed it like a “diabetic needs insulin”.
That dose as you know is enough to knock out a horse and not suitable at all for 118 lb 20 year old girl. But I was a good patient and I trusted her, she said the drug was very mild and I could get off with no problem anytime I wanted we’d just taper a little bit and I’d have no withdrawal symptoms, so I took it, for four years.
In that time I hit what I now know to be tolerance withdrawal, my panic and anxiety went through the roof and I developed strange health problems that no doctor could find a cause for, a strange rash on my legs, weight gain, extreme fatigue, random numbness in my hands, and the most painful was severe stomach issues, throwing up after meals from pain and so many other symptoms I can hardly remember them all.
I started searching the web and found Benzo Buddies and suddenly I didn’t feel so alone, all of the symptoms I had were explained by my taking Klonopin. I was horrified to see that I was suffering because I was taking a medication my doctor gave me, I was devastated. I knew I needed to get off so with the help of my buddies and those who had come before me I made a taper plan, and I jumped last year April 26th, 2017.
The months that followed are hazy and my brain was mush quite frankly, I was housebound and rarely left my bedroom, I couldn’t comprehend movies, books, anything honestly but within five months I felt a lot better and thought I was healed and wrote my success story on Benzo Buddies.
It was premature because in March of this year I suffered a horrible set back leading me to feel like no progress or healing had even taken place and this truly broke me. I didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel but now it’s August and things are slowly starting to get a bit better and I have hope for the future again, if I can be totally healed by the time I am 27 next year I’ll be happy but I’ve lost most of my twenties to psychiatric medication being mis prescribed to me and I will never get that time back.
I am documenting my progress and healing journey on this blog and offering any help and insight I possibly can into this process. It’s the hardest, most painful thing I have ever been through in my entire life and if I can help any other Benzo warriors who are suffering that is what I want to do.
I love you all and I understand you, you are not alone in this terrible journey, we will all come out of this healed and stronger than ever before, I firmly believe that. Just keep fighting and never give up because your life is worth fighting for, we are all Benzo Warriors!